


Jealousy, Turning Saints Into the Sea

by sullacat



Category: Star Trek
Genre: Community: hc_bingo, Community: jim_and_bones, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, M/M, Romance, hey that's my boyfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-09
Updated: 2013-07-09
Packaged: 2017-12-18 06:33:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/876708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sullacat/pseuds/sullacat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A fresh start with a new love or a second chance with his captain - which will Leonard McCoy choose?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jealousy, Turning Saints Into the Sea

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [Jim and Bones Livejournal Community's](http://jim_and_bones.livejournal.com/) [Regeneration Challenge](http://jim-and-bones.livejournal.com/858452.html). My prompt was _Jim wakes up to find out that Bones has been on a couple of dates with Carol Marcus. He does not like this. At all._
> 
> Eternal thanks to [Altilis](http://archiveofourown.org/users/altilis/pseuds/altilis), [Kinderjedi](http://archiveofourown.org/users/kinderjedi/pseuds/kinderjedi), and [Winterover](http://archiveofourown.org/users/winterover) for their eyes and suggestions. ♥♥♥
> 
> Also using this for my H/C Bingo card: Rejection

"Doctor McCoy?"

Leonard's eyes were tracking some unusual readings coming from Jim's biobed but he turned toward the sound of the soft voice. Carol Marcus, standing in her science blues and leaning against the door frame to Jim's room, was unexpected, but not at all unpleasant. He hadn't seen her since... since that day. "Doctor Marcus," he said, nodding at her. "What can I do for you?"

She smiled, small but genuine. "I don't mean to bother you while you are working, Doctor, but you're a difficult man to find, outside of this medical facility. May I come in?" she asked in a low voice, curiously glancing over at the sleeping body of their captain. 

Jim had been unconscious for five days. "Of course," he told her, waving her into the room. "Can I help you with something?" 

Her eyes were still drawn to Jim. Leonard understood. It was eerie, seeing his normally vibrant friend so still and pale, his skin still healing from the radiation. "You might. I've been asked to work with Doctor Vann on her new project. She suggested that you could answer some questions for me that I have regarding non-sentient life." She took a step closer, "Also, I wanted to talk to you about what happened on that meteor, with the torpedo. To thank you for what you did that day." 

Leonard couldn't help but smile at her; the soft lilt in her voice made him feel good. "I don't know what you mean, you were the one that deactivated the bomb." He leaned against the side of the bed. "All things being equal, you saved _my_ life."

"And all the time you were screaming at them to beam me back, knowing that you would be killed, in order to save me. It was one of the bravest things I've ever seen anyone do."

Leonard looked down at Jim. "There are a lot of brave people on that ship. And what I did, it doesn't compare with-"

"It does to me. You would have given your life for mine," Carol murmured, resting her hand on his arm, "and you need to accept my gratitude."

He found it hard to argue with her, especially when she smiled at him like that. "Accepted," he told her. "And thank _you_ for deactivating the damn thing, so we both didn't get blown up."

"You are most welcome," she answered, still smiling. 

At that moment one of the medics came in to check Jim's vital signs. Stepping around them, the nurse began typing into the computer terminal attached to Jim's biobed. Turning, she changed the IV bottles. "Any changes to his orders, Doctor McCoy?"

"No, he's still stable. We'll leave the meds the same for the next twenty-four hours. Increase his nutrients, he's still looking a little thin," Leonard replied to the nodding medic as she exited the room. 

"And you, Doctor?" Carol asked, watching all this closely.

"I'm sorry?"

"What about _your_ nutrients?" she asked, lips quirking as she glanced over at a pillow and blanket, tucked into the corner of Jim's room. Carol turned toward Leonard. "I wager you haven't spent much time out of this room since he arrived."

He chuckled. "You would win that wager, I reckon."

"Reckon, that is precious. But back to the topic at hand, which is your well-being. You need to eat as well." Reaching for his hand, she tugged lightly. "Come with me," she told him, a hint of authority in her voice. "We can discuss fungal reproduction over a salad."

"Doctor Marcus-" Leonard began.

"Carol," she told him, insistently.

"Carol," he repeated, grinning, "I'm fine, really. The staff here has been taking care of me."

"With all due respect, Doctor McCoy-"

"Leonard."

She took a deep breath, exhaling with a smile. "Leonard." 

"Carol."

"I'm glad we have that straight. Now come with me. I'm certain the staff would agree," she glanced in Jim's direction, "and so would he." 

Well, she had him there. Jim would be the first to shoo him if he knew how long Leonard had been creeping around his room. "Lunch."

"Lunch," she repeated. "My treat."

As they walked out of the room, Leonard asked her, "Do you lose many arguments, Carol?"

"Not many, no," she replied, as the door closed behind them. "I reckon you don't either."

 

Leonard somehow wasn't surprised when he spotted Carol walking down the corridor at Medical the next day. He held the lift open for her, giving her a smile as she walked inside. "Going up?" he asked. 

"I might be," she said, looking up at him with a smile. She held out two bags. "Have you eaten today?"

"Carol," he began, feeling a little sheepish. "You didn't have to-"

"First, I was supposed to buy lunch yesterday, and you hoodwinked me. Couldn't leave that debt unpaid. Second, I'm right, aren't I? You've been here all day and all night." 

Of course he had, but Leonard wasn't about to tell her that. "What's in the bags?" he asked, pressing a couple buttons and sending them to the rooftop recreation area, where they could eat in comfort under the patio cover.

* * *

_One week later_

To: Leonard McCoy  
From: Carol Marcus

I heard your special patient woke up today. If you want to cancel dinner tonight, I'd understand.

 

To: Carol Marcus  
From: Leonard McCoy

Thanks, I think I'm going to be here for a while. Don't laugh, I can hear you laughing from here. I know I'm always here. 

I'll call you tomorrow.

 

"Who's that?"

Leonard looked over to see Jim's eyes staring at him, such a vivid blue against his still too-pale skin. "Hmm?" he asked, pocketing his communicator and walking toward Jim.

"You got a message," Jim murmured, licking his dry lips as he spoke slowly. 

"Just a friend," Leonard told him, falling into his chair next to Jim's bed. "How are you feeling?" 

"Alive," Jim answered sheepishly. "Thanks to you."

"Well, I had _some_ help," Leonard chuckled, reaching out and taking Jim's hand. "I wasn't kidding when I said that Spock-"

"I know what Spock did," Jim said, a slightly embarrassed look on his face. "He told me, and you know how he is with honesty." Jim's tongue poked out of his mouth, wetting his bottom lip. "Spock also told me what you did, how you figured it out." Leaning back, Jim exhaled slowly. "Should've known you'd save the day." 

"Almost didn't." Leonard got quiet as memories flooded back. "We all just got lucky, I guess."

"You got me back." Jim laced their fingers together. "Never gonna be able to repay you."

Leonard stared at their hands, stirring those feelings inside him. _Alive, didn't lose him._ "I'm sure I'll think of something," Leonard murmured, lips curling up just a little as the door opened and a medic entered with two lunch trays.

* * *

Unsurprisingly, Jim didn't like being in the hospital. Each morning he asked when he could go home, and each morning Leonard told him "Soon." Before lunch Spock would arrive and give Jim an update on the ship's refit progress. Nyota would swing by soon after, reporting on what was happening with the crew, and each afternoon there seemed to be a never ending line of Starfleet personnel and personal friends who wanted to see Jim, and thank him for what he did. Leonard appreciated their visits and it gave Jim something to look forward to while he was confined.

Because of their visits, Leonard didn't feel so bad not being there as often as he had when Jim was first admitted, and on the fifth day after Jim woke up, it was late afternoon when Leonard first stepped into Jim's room. Glancing over at the biobed readings, Leonard nodded, noting how the doctors had decreased Jim's antibiotics and taken him off the radiation sickness meds altogether. Fantastic.

"At this rate, they'll be letting you out of here soon," he told Jim, a grin on his face. "I know how much that bothers you," Leonard said, approaching Jim's bed, leaning against it. But there were frown lines on Jim's forehead. "What's wrong? You okay?"

"Feel fine," Jim murmured, his voice low. "My mom was here this morning."

Leonard's face broke into a slow smile. "Winona was here? How's she doing?"

"She's good. Asked about you," Jim added, blue eyes glued to his padd. "I told her you'd be around sometime..." 

There was a prickliness in Jim's voice that would have irritated Leonard, if he hadn't felt a little guilty about being gone all day. "Maybe I'll see her tomorrow," he replied, pretending he didn't hear the admonishment in Jim's voice.

Jim still didn't look up. "Maybe." 

Fuck. "I do have to leave here sometimes, Jim." Hell, he wasn't even scheduled to work today, he'd just stopped by because... 

Because it was Jim... 

His best friend, his captain, his partner in crime. Jim, who seemed to realize he'd crossed a line. "Sorry," Jim shook his head, dropping his padd and sighing. "Guess I'm just used to having you around whenever I want you. You're my Bones, you know that, right?" 

Leonard side-eyed Jim at that comment, but it wasn't far from the truth. The last four years they had been fairly inseparable, despite Leonard's early attempts to prevent that. But now...

Now Leonard couldn't imagine his life without Jim Kirk. 

His communicator went off again. "Your friend?" Jim asked, a hint of coolness back in his voice. 

Leonard ignored the question, just as he ignored the message from Carol. For now. "You wanna go walking around? Doctor Tanaka said you haven't gotten up today." It was important to get Jim moving around and back on his feet, so the two of them had been exploring different floors of the hospital, visiting some of the other injured crew members and other patients. 

"I was waiting for you," Jim said, that familiar little smile on his face. Slowly he swung his legs off the bed, steadying himself, then held out his hand to Leonard for support. "Thought we might check out the pediatric wing again, that was fun yesterday." 

"Anything you want, Jim," Leonard told him as his arm wrapped around Jim's waist until he was upright and balanced. He handed Jim his robe and watched as he slowly got into his slippers, and together they headed out of the room. 

 

Thick clouds opened up during the night, and it was still raining when Leonard got to the hospital the next morning. Jim's room was empty, and one of the nurses said he'd told her he was going to walk around. 

Leonard almost didn't believe when the computer located Jim on the recreation area, up on the roof. But there he was, standing near the edge, looking over the railing at the reconstruction taking place in San Francisco. It was jarring from this perspective, looking out across the bay where Alcatraz used to stand. All of the large pieces of metal and steel had been removed from the street, leaving holes in the once familiar skyline. 

"For fuck's sake, Jim," he called out, walking out there with a borrowed umbrella, large enough to cover both of them. "Are you trying to get sick again?"

Jim ignored his question. Hell, Jim seemed to be ignoring him in favor of watching one of the work shuttles on the steel frame of a damaged skyscraper. Finally, after a minute passed, he finally heard Jim ask, "You have a good time last night?" 

Leonard didn't answer, a part of him knowing this conversation wasn't unexpected. "What do you mean?" he asked, playing dumb.

"What I mean," Jim said, his voice low and tight, "is that you and Doctor Marcus are quite the topic of gossip around here. I really must have been out of it," he chuckled bitterly, "totally missed all of this happening." 

"So, people are talking about me?" Leonard asked, hearing the defensiveness in his voice, trying to ignore Jim's anger. "And just what are they saying?"

Jim's face changed, the anger dropping off and leaving only a hurt look. "That she's the only thing that's gotten you out of my room in the last two weeks." Jim glanced over at Leonard, before turning back toward the city. "I didn't know you guys were..."

"We're not. I mean," Leonard wasn't sure why he felt so flustered talking about this with Jim. He hadn't done anything wrong. "it's just been a couple of dates." Jim just made a noise, shaking his head and Leonard wondered how they got to this place, why this felt so hard. Their moods seemed as gloomy as the weather. "You know what you sound like?"

"I am completely aware of what I sound like, thank you very much," Jim spat out, "and I hate it. I'm sorry for being upset about this. I just, I dunno." Jim slumped against Leonard, and it felt good, that weight leaning against him, just the smallest touch. "I know it sounds stupid, but I was upset, thinking you had a new best friend or something." Jim shrugged. "I died, and you moved on." 

Leonard's jaw dropped. "That's completely unfair." 

"Can't help what I feel, Bones. Then I heard this wasn't a new friend, but someone you were dating, and I don't know. Somehow that made it easier, but not much." Jim brought a hand up to wipe some rain off his face. "I am the worst friend in the world, man. I'm sorry about all of this. I know better."

"Jim, no. I should be here." With you.

"Fuck, Bones, you are _always_ taking care of me, even when I'm bitching and moaning about it. You deserve a life too, not just to be trailing after me. I mean, she's good for you. And she's gorgeous."

Leonard smirked to himself. "I guess she is."

"And smart too." 

"Brilliant," Leonard added, his smile growing. "So much smarter than I am. Did you know that she began studying to be a medical doctor, but her father sort of dissuaded her from that, and she ended up in physics and weaponry."

Jim's face... he was smiling at Bones, but it was that mask that he wore when he had to. The last time Leonard saw it directed at him was that day, a year ago, back in the hangar. 

_Get going. Be safe._

That look was on his face right now, and Leonard didn't know what to do. "I'm happy for you, Bones. You deserve someone like that. And she needs someone like you right now. With what happened to her dad, well. She could use someone taking care of her, too." Jim reached out for his shoulder, giving it a squeeze as he began walking back toward the covered patio area. "Look, Scotty's coming over soon, we're going to spend the afternoon looking at some schematics for the refit. Don't feel like you have to stick around, I know you got other things to take care of."

Leonard didn't want to leave... but Jim was right. There were things he needed to do, and Jim didn't need him right now. "You sure?"

Jim rolled his eyes as they headed inside, the doors opening as they approached. "Go. Have fun. Take your girl out, show her a good time." Nudging Leonard's shoulder, he added, "Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

It felt a little better, their familiar rapport snapping back in place. "What wouldn't you do, Jim?" Leonard asked, teasing, as the doors slid closed behind them.

* * *

It was morning. Leonard felt the sun on his face even before his eyes were open, and he knew something was amiss, as his own bedroom curtains kept out even the brightest midday sun. Cracking an eye, he spotted the chocolate brown sheets and remembered. Carol's place. 

Carol.

Stretching, he reached out to the other side of the bed. Empty. "Over here," he heard her say, and turning his head, Leonard spotted her at her small desk, blonde hair pulled back, wearing a short blue silk robe and tapping into her computer. "Good morning," she said, taking a sip from her steaming mug. 

"An early bird," he murmured, leaning on one elbow and watching her a moment. Her bedroom was much like the rest of her apartment - warm earth-tones and surprisingly cozy, despite the posh highrise address. 

The coffee smelled good, too. Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, he excused himself, chuckling as the typing sounds stopped when he walked naked into the small bathroom. 

Leonard splashed some water on his face and rinsed out his mouth, and stared at himself in the mirror a moment. This ….thing with Carol hadn't been expected at all, but it was quite the pleasant surprise, if Leonard was honest with himself. Shipboard romances tended to end with hard feelings, so he usually avoided them at all cost. 

But they weren't on board right now.

And it felt nice, being pursued by a beautiful woman like this. Heading back out into her room, Leonard sat down on the edge of the bed, watching her as she worked, so wrapped up in whatever it was that he hated to disturb her. "Hungry?" he asked during a pause in typing. "I thought I could buy us breakfast somewhere." 

Carol's face was full of apologies, and he knew his answer. "I wish I could, Leonard." Carol got up and walked toward him, her arms winding around his neck. "And I hate to- you know, kick you out so early, but there's a situation that's developed with one of the exobiologists, and I'm going to have go into the laboratory and take care of it."

Leonard lifted his head and accepted the kiss she offered, smiling at her. "No, don't worry. I know how your type is," he told her, playfully slapping her on the ass.

"My type?" Carol said, pressing him back onto the bed, throwing a leg over him again and pinning him down. "Explain yourself, Doctor."

"Focused," he answered, though it was hard for him to focus as her robe opened just enough for him to see the shape of her body. "Determined. Tenacious," he added, bracing for the pillow that she aimed at his head. 

"Tenacious," she repeated, kissing the side of his head. "Terriers are tenacious, Leonard. But by and large, those are not the worst traits I can think of, Leonard ' _I Practically Live In The Hospital_ ' McCoy." 

"No, they're not. You just remind me a lot of Jim when I see you working like that," he pointed at her computer. "You two are a lot alike, you know. Smart, focused. Blonde," he added, tugging at her hair. But Carol stared at him, an unreadable look on her face. "I didn't mean that as an insult, Carol," Leonard quickly added. "Jim's my best friend."

"Oh no, being compared with your significant other was actually quite illuminating." Carol straddled him, her hands messing with his hair. "I'm half-surprised you two aren't already an item. Or were you, and it didn't work out," she wondered. 

Leonard shook his head, looking up at her as she leaned over him. "Jim's not looking for that." 

"But you are," Carol surmised, ghosting her fingers across his face.

"We're just friends, Carol. That's all."

She chortled, tweaking the tip of his nose. "Don't be delusional, Leonard. You and Jim Kirk are much more than friends, that's obvious to anyone who knows either of you." Leaning back, her fingers traced along the muscles of his chest. "I ask because I don't want to come between you two, should some sort of relationship exist." 

"Jim's my best friend. That's quite enough, don't you think?"

"I think it's quite extraordinary, petal, the two of you. Connected in ways you don't even see." 

It was starting to upset him. "There's nothing between us, Carol."

Her mouth fell into a tight line, and she sighed. "Leonard... do you know why the captain didn't have Mister Scott contact you?" 

Leonard got quiet. "He said he didn't want me to see him like that."

"Perhaps," she began, looking down at him, "But I think there's more there. Ask yourself - in that room, in that situation. Had Mister Scott called you, what would you have done?"

Leonard answered without hesitation. "I'd have opened the door." To save Jim, he couldn't have _not_ tried.

Carol shook her head, fingers in his hair again. "Exactly my point. Flooding the entire compartment with radiation, putting your own life in danger." 

Leonard knew what she was talking about, but that didn't matter. What he and Jim had was friendship, that had been firmly established years ago, ironically, by Leonard. "Whatever might have been, it's long past happening. I turned him down when he wanted to fool around and now..." Leonard shrugged. "Now he's got his ship, that's his one true love." He lifted his hands, cradling her face with his fingers. "Like you and this new project of yours, the one that you think about when you get quiet and your mind is somewhere else." She must have liked that answer, because she kissed him again, deep and slow and didn't object when his arms pulled her down and he rolled over on top of her.

 

Later, Carol lay on her side, watching Leonard as he dressed. "Are you on the schedule today?" she asked, reaching over and checking her communicator for messages.

"Nope," Leonard answered, kneeling on the floor, looking for his boot. "Day off."

She gave him a wry smile. "But you're heading to the hospital anyway," she said in a knowing voice.

"Well, yeah." Lacing up his boot, he stood, reaching for his wallet and communicator. "Dinner tonight?" he asked, leaning in for a kiss.

Carol touched his face and kissed him back. "Call me later, I should be done by then."

* * *

Leonard lived across from Golden Gate park, a refurbished townhouse on Fulton Street that he bought it from one of the attending physicians, an Andorian who was returning home (and gave Leonard an excellent deal). "You work in space, Bones," Jim had laughed at the time. "Or at least you will." 

At that time, Leonard's plans included being stationed here, if possible, or at least returning here once his tour of duty was done. People were talking now about the deep space mission, five years, being offered to the _Enterprise_ and Jim... and Leonard's plans went out the window. 

It was a fine night, so he and Carol decided to meet at Leonard's house and walk to a nearby restaurant. They didn't speak much as they walked, tucked arm in arm, Carol wearing Leonard's jacket over her shoulders. "Everything okay?" he asked, a little worried that something was wrong. She'd been quiet all during dinner, but he'd assumed it was a problem in her labs. 

"Just thinking," Carol responded, leaning against him as the cool evening breeze blew past them.

"Oh no," Leonard chuckled, laughing at the elbow in his side, but still, he felt there was something wrong. "C'mon, sweetheart, what's going on in your head? What are you thinking about?"

"You," she said, her voice sad. Leonard stopped walking. "You and me, you and your captain."

Leonard wrapped his arms around her. "Hey," he began, "if I did something to upset you-"

"You did nothing, Leonard, other than be wonderful and amazing. So much more than I expected."

Her words were sweet, but there was some lingering sadness behind them. "You say that like it's a bad thing," he said, trying to lighten the mood again.

"I've been asked to go to Regula I next month," she began, "and I actually hesitated before I told them yes. Do you know why?" When he didn't answer, she laughed. "Because of you, Doctor McCoy. I almost said no, because of you." Carol took his hand in hers, as they continued walking. "You're a distraction, Leonard, the very best kind - but I'm not certain I can afford to have you in my life right now." 

"People can make it work, Carol, if they really want it."

"I suppose it's a matter of priorities." Carol was quiet a moment before she continued. "Since my father died," she stopped again and Leonard put his arm around her shoulder. "Well - ever since that happened, I just have this need to prove to everyone that my family isn't made of terrible people." 

"It's not your responsibility to do that."

"But it is. Restoring my family's good name falls to me, and the only way I know how is through my work. This project I'm involved with right now, it has the potential to save lives instead of take them, and I owe it to my family to give it my all." They slowed down as they approached Leonard's townhouse. "Tell me you understand."

"Sweetheart, you need to do what you think is right. Personally, I don't believe there's anyone who's gonna look down on you for the sins of your father, but I understand you need to do this. It's okay." 

Carol took both his hands in her smaller ones. "You're an incredible man, Leonard, and I could fall in love with you, so easily. It would take nothing but a couple nights in your arms and that smile," she added, touching his face. "I'd drop everything and come running."

"I sense a 'but' coming here," Leonard said, a sad feeling twisting him inside.

"There are things I need to do first, Leonard. As much as I care about you, I can't give you what I think you are looking for. It's better this way, ending it while we're still friends. I'd like to stay on board that ship, if Jim will have me, and things don't have to be uncomfortable between us, not really." Carol was looking at something down the street. "I suspect that if you really feel ready for a relationship, that you won't have to wait long." 

"What do you mean?"

"You and your captain. Perhaps this could be a fresh start for you two as well."

"I think you're wrong about that, Carol. That time's long past."

She smiled at him. "I'm not wrong."

"How can you sound so confident?"

"Don't turn around," Carol began, and Leonard resisted the urge to do just that. "Your captain, he's over there, under that tree. He's watching us."

 _Jim_. "That stupid son of a bitch," Leonard muttered, confusion marking his face. "He's not supposed to be out of the hospital yet."

"I don't think anything like rules have ever stopped him before," she pointed out to Leonard with another squeeze of her hands. "Go talk to him," she said, glancing over his shoulder again. "I think you matter to him more than you think. We've all been given a second chance here, him more than anyone." Leaning up against him, she lifted herself on her toes and kissed his cheek. "Don't make me regret pushing you away from me, Leonard McCoy. Be happy." Looking up at Leonard, she straightened his collar, giving him a sad smile. "I've grown quite fond of you, and I'd like to know that someone's taking care of you properly." 

"Carol," he told her, but she shook her head. Carol shrugged Leonard's jacket off, lifted her finger to his lips and touched his face once more before turning around and heading toward her car. Leonard watched as she drove off, wondering if letting her go so easily had been a mistake. 

The rumble of a motorcycle caught his attention, and Leonard turned, just in time to see Jim in that battered old leather jacket, revving up his cycle. _Second chance,_ that's what Carol had called this. "Jim," he called out, jogging in his direction.

For a moment he thought that Jim wasn't going to see him. But the cycle stopped rolling, and Jim turned his head toward Leonard, standing out in the middle of the street like an idiot. Turning his bike, he coasted slowly toward Leonard, pulling off on the side of the street across from Leonard's townhouse. 

The excitement and nervousness that had built up inside Leonard was instantly vaporized, replaced with this familiar irritation. "Why the hell aren't you in the hospital, Jim?"

Jim shrugged, avoiding Leonard's eyes. "Guess this is what happens when you aren't there watching over me." He waited a beat, then quietly asked, "What happened to your date?" 

"I'm not done with you," Leonard shook his head. "You snuck out." 

"Walked out, thank you very much," Jim parked the bike, setting the kickstand and sliding off the side, muttering all along, "Can't imagine they were too upset to see me go, I've been getting on everyone's nerves the last couple of days. You might have noticed if you were around more." He walked toward Leonard. "What happened to your date?"

"It's over," Leonard said, not entirely sure how he felt about all of that.

"What do you mean, it's over?"

"Jim, what are you doing here?"

"Look, this is a mistake, I know that. Shouldn't be here, I'm a huge dick and I'll probably regret this tomorrow." Jim's hands were fidgeting in front of him, Jim's one true tell that he was nervous. He licked his lips. "But I know I'll regret not saying anything too." Another pause, and when Leonard didn't say anything Jim continued. "I was wrong. When I said that I felt better knowing it was a date, and not a new friend. That was a lie." 

"Jim-"

"Let me get through this, okay," Jim interrupted him, taking a step closer, "because if I stop now, I'm not gonna be able to get it out. You see, at first I told myself 'hey, this is Bones. You love the guy. Want the best for him, want him to be happy.’ And then I said, no, fuck that. Jim, you _love_ the guy... so why not tell him that, for real. Tell him what he means to you, how every time he enters the room he makes you smile. Tell him that some days, back at the Academy, he was the only person that believed in you, that the only thing that kept you from running away was knowing how disappointed he'd be." Another step closer and Jim was right in front of Leonard, so close they could touch. "Because you should know that and right now I don't care if that's selfish on my part. I got a second chance with you, so I figured I'm allowed to be a little selfish." 

Leonard felt Jim take one of his hands. "You mean all of that?"

"Yeah, I do," Jim huffed out a little laugh. "Bones... fuck, you wanna know why I told Scotty not to call you?" Jim took a deep breath. "The truth is... I wasn't sure I could go through with it, not if I saw your face, not if you were standing that close to me. Didn't know if I could be that strong."

"The hell you aren't, " Leonard murmured, staring at Jim, reaching for Jim's other hand. "You're the bravest son of a bitch I know."

Jim smiled wryly, shaking his head. "Not brave enough to tell you how I feel about you. How you're the best thing that's ever happened to me." One more step closer. "How... none of this matters, not without you in my life. So I'm going to ask you again. When you said it's over-" 

This was happening. Leonard's head was spinning, how fast this had happened. But had it really been all that fast? Maybe Carol was right, and he and Jim had been working toward this since the day they met. Wrapping his arm around Jim, they crossed the tree-lined street, walking slowly toward Leonard's house. 

Jim leaned against him, relaxing against Leonard. "I used to think you were nuts, buying this place, knowing we were gonna work in space." 

Leonard nudged him with his hip. "I got a good deal." 

"Maybe," Jim began, "but that's not why you bought this it. You wanted a home. I didn't understand that before, because I never felt like I had that, you know? I mean, fuck, I walked onto that shuttle back in Riverside with nothing. People, places - none of that mattered to me. And then, all of a sudden I had you, and I had Starfleet, and I had the ship. Then we all got close, the crew became my family. Finally I got it, what you were talking about. I finally had something that was worth dying for." 

"Your ship."

"My home, Bones. And not just the ship, but the people on board. And you, Bones, you most of all." There was a light in Jim's eyes that Leonard hadn't seen since he woke up. "That's why you got this place. You just want to know that there's someplace in the universe that yours, that belongs to you. Like this house." Jim squeezed their hands together. "Like me."

"You?"

"Yeah," Jim nodded. "You saved me, Doc. From what I understand, that gives you a certain proprietary ownership of this," Jim pointed at himself.

Leonard laughed, feeling the nerves ebb away. "That's a hell of a deal, Captain." 

"But it goes both ways, Doctor McCoy." Jim's arms wound around his waist as they walked up the stairs toward Leonard's front door. "You belong to me too, if you'll have me." The question remained in Jim's eyes, a hint of insecurity still lingering. 

They still had a lot to talk about - but Leonard knew they were finally at the same place, at the same time. "You wanna come inside?" he asked, sliding his keycard and unlocking the door. Their eyes met for a moment, and Leonard felt the click inside him as he followed Jim inside. 

Finally, he was home.


End file.
